One of the most meaningful aspects of my ministry is that of being with the dying and being with the family after a loved one has died. Whether it is an expected death with hospice involved or whether it is a tragic death for which no one was prepared, it is an aspect of ministry to which I feel especially drawn. Over the years, I have reflected on why I find this kind of ministry so compelling and I have come to the conclusion that it is because when death happens people are at their most authentic. The masks that often accompany ordinary life vanish and the depths of who people are rise to the surface. People are much more open and vulnerable at these times, making it very easy to connect.
When hospice is involved, there is often a beauty in the whole process. One family in my former church had an especially peaceful experience. When it became clear that the mother of the family was dying, the adult children gathered for a vigil. When I went to be with them toward the end, they were all sitting in their mother's apartment reading. They then explained that they had often done this as a family when they were children. It was a family custom to have everyone sit together in the living room and read. While their mother, who was a librarian, lay on her death bed, her family took turns reading to her while the others read to themselves. There was a quiet serenity and peace throughout the room. This went on until their mother took her last breath.
Most hospice deaths do have a quiet peacefulness about them which is why I try as much as possible to encourage hospice when it seems appropriate. When all is said and done, death at any age is a reminder of the fragility of human existence, a reminder that our "earthly tent", of which St. Paul writes, could give out on us or be taken from us at any time. All the more reason to live life to its fullest... God gives us that opportunity each and every day.
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